I woke up. Tied up. Shut up. All alone with my thoughts. I honestly thought that Commander Peak was someone I could trust. I guess not. I looked out the window and I saw it. The Leaning Tower of Pisa! It had been my lifelong dream to be in Italy with my family and see it since I was a kid. But I was trapped, helpless in a van.
Then the van door opened and I fell through. I couldn’t even scream. It was dark, warm, and very loud. It was distorted like being swallowed up by the earth itself. When I finally hit the ground, the pain went through my body. I tried to stand up, having a hard time with the ropes that cut into my wrists. I felt betrayed, scared, and more alone than ever. The sound of rushing water filled my ears, echoing off the walls. It was too loud. I tried to calm down but Commander Peak had played me, and now I was stuck in this cave or whatever it was. The only light came from the van above, just a tiny sliver. Now, I guess there was no way back. I might as well just stay here to die since almost everyone I know had betrayed me. My mind was going crazy. I can’t just sit here and wait to be rescued; I needed and wanted to save myself. As I looked around, I saw something shiny in the wall, half-buried in a mess of rocks. It also kinda looked like a key that could open something, so I crawled over there hoping it wasn’t my imagination. When I got closer, I saw it was a key. My heartbeat got faster. A way to freedom. Maybe?
I grabbed it, the cold metal feeling heavy with hope. I didn’t know what it opened, but I didn’t care. This was my shot—my only shot. Whatever game Commander Peak was playing, I wasn’t going down without a fight. I’d make it out. Somehow.
I enjoyed the suspense in the story, which makes the reader shift from side to side, scared about the fate of both the characters. I enjoyed how you introduced plenty of suspense in every part of the story to intrigue the reader, especially in part five, where you described the main character’s feelings as she was trapped inside the van, trying to escape. Overall, the whole story is captivating.